"I got to the point where I could barely look at my kids without getting weepy. Everything was going in the wrong direction. What kind of mother was I if I could not protect my children?

I would lie awake at night thinking about what I could possibly do to ensure their safety. I considered moving to the countryside, a small town somewhere, but that actually seemed scarier.

I thought about selling our home and moving to Mexico or Costa Rica, renting a little place where costs are low. But I want my children to live near family.

 

My mother spends half the year in France, where my auntie lives.

So, we talked about the possibility of moving in with my auntie, who has a big old house two hours from Paris. She is getting older, and wants to retire, but she owns a natural foods store with just a couple of employees. I thought maybe I could help her with her business, allowing her to ease into retirement.

 

Well, of course, Auntie was thrilled about the idea! She adores my children. And my mother was happy to travel with us to help us get set up there. 

 

The trickiest part was deciding what to do with our home. I had planned to rent it out, but I just decided I did not want to manage that from abroad. I looked into property managers, but it just didn´t feel right.

 

I made the leap, and sold our home. It all happened so quickly (I accepted a great offer the first day it was on the market!) It was emotional for me. All those memories of my husband, of the girls growing up with their father there. But it was the right move. It gave me enough of a cushion that I felt like I could leave my job and not worry too much, at least for a while.

 

Of course, there were a lot of things to work out, documents and visas. But that turned out to be easier than I expected, thanks to my aunt´s French citizenship. From the day I made the decision to move to the day we got on the plane, it was 29 days exactly! I was lucky to leave my work in a gradual way by working remotely with pay for three months after I left. 

 

This move has been an incredible gift for our family. Not worrying about our safety has changed our lives.

 

 The girls spend so much time outdoors, playing in the meadow behind my auntie´s house. Being in nature is something they have not experienced. Auntie has been teaching them so much about the flower and vegetable gardens, and they are always up to something (making preserves or pickling) in the kitchen!

 

I paid for her kitchen upgrade, and we fixed up the bedrooms. Auntie is overjoyed, and my children are clearly thriving. They attend a small local school, where they have sweet new friends and are picking up French easily!

 

My French is still rusty, but working in the store is excellent practice. I am surprised by how much I love working there. I talk to people all day, helping them choose what they need and learning more about the neighbors in town. (There is a lot of gossip, but it is sweet, not scandalous.) 

 

Maya was absolutely a critical part of this journey. I really needed to expand my ideas about what was possible for my family. I was limited by my anxiety and lack of imagination. Fear does that! She walked me through my options, and I recognized that I was limiting my perspective, partly from the guilt of leaving the home I had shared with my husband. Maya helped me see that he would have wanted us to be safe and happy. And he loved France! I believe he is here, that his spirit crossed the ocean with us. It gives me comfort.

 

I could not have imagined this life even a few months ago! Every day feels like a celebration.¨

October 2025 UPDATE:

¨Maya! How wonderful to hear that you are in Amsterdam now! You must come for a visit.

 

Oh, I definitely use the cues to remember to pay attention. They really helped me when we were back in the States and I was so stressed about everything. The cues allowed me to pause and take a breath, breaking the spell of anxiety for just a moment. I really needed that!

 

My new cues here help me in a different way. It is never about noticing my fear or anger these days. Now, I notice myself feeling grateful throughout the day, because I am in a constant state of seeing things I love about being here!

 

The cues remind me of how far I have come, in so many ways.. And that says it all, doesn´t it?¨